I'm on to you people, oh yes

In the past twenty minutes, it has become glaringly obvious to me that my patients have all somehow contacted one another and concocted a masterful plan to drive me absolutely up the wall. Hey you, yeah, you with the bad hairpiece. Remember yesterday, when I called you to confirm your appointment, and I asked you if you’d completed the questionnaire I’d forwarded to you? And remember how you said you had. And remember how I said to be sure to bring the completed questionnaire with you to your appointment? And what did you do? Why, you showed up to your appointment without your questionnaire. You tell the front desk that no one ever told you about any questionnaire. And when you’re given a blank one to complete while you are waiting for the doctor, you refuse to fill it out because you’d “rather talk to the doctor first”. And then, THEN, your fellow patient shows up, also without a questionnaire, plus his wife has brought her lap dog. To a doctor’s appointment. In a hospital. Where there are sick people.

Are you people insane? Are you of the mindset that insanity, much like misery, enjoys a great deal of company? Well, I refuse to fall for your ruse, sirs. And when your wife gets kicked out of the hospital for bringing in a dog, don’t go bitching to the doctor about it. Grow up. Have some common sense. And good lord, finish the goddamn questionnaire before I call your parents!