Friday, August 29, 2008

Firedogs think you're stupid

Circuit City's computer technicians call themselves "Firedog" for no reason that I can see. Nevertheless, there they are. And luckily for you, person who is reading this blog and therefore has at least an elementary understanding of the workings of computers, Firedog has a service called "New Computer Setup - In store". And what, pray tell, does this get you for $40? Why, they'll 1. perform an initial setup "We'll turn on your computer, and run through all the steps involved in getting your Windows operating system running and set to your specifications. " (you know, follow the prompts that come up when you boot up computer for the first time. Basically, selecting "English" as a language, selecting a time zone, clicking "agree" to any user agreements (and thereby making you lose your chance at a Vista refund)

2. They'll run Microsoft updates "Windows is often updated to enhance protection against outside threats-we'll determine if the new updates will make your computer more secure. We'll also download any updates of your Microsoft applications-and show you how to do it again in the future. " if you're connected to the internet, it's something that happens automatically, anyways

3. Icon and software cleanup "We'll remove any unwanted icons, programs and links so you can enjoy a clean, clutter-free screen."Dude - seriously? If someone is so dumb that they can't do this themselves, then chances are, after a couple weeks using the computer, it'll clutter right back up.

4. Personalize your desktop "Your computer can have a look and feel to match your personality. We'll help you select a wallpaper background as well as desktop gadgets such as a clock or calendar. " What if my personality includes beastiality? Eh? What then? Will they accomadate me? Ooh, and a calendar? Really? Woot.

5. Set user-access controls "We'll set up user accounts that dictate what other users can access or do on your computer." uh...yeah. You mean setting up a password. Right. and finally,

6. Service wrap-up "We'll answer any questions you may have, and make sure you're satisfied with our service. " Any question? Like, the meaning of life, the universe, and everything? And will the LHC kill us all with a sustainable black hole? And if they can't answer these questions, therefore making me unsatisfied with their service, do I get all this for free?

Honestly, if you're under the age of 35, then chances are you can do all this stuff for yourself. If you're over the age of 35, chances are you know someone who can do this for you. OR, if you're a moron and have no friends, then chances are you don't need a computer, you need a life.

The moral of the story: don't use Best Buy or Circuit City to set up your computer (click here to see how inept they actually are). If you must hire someone, hire someone from a local computer store, where they probably employ IT majors from the local college or hackers from your local high school who will have much more training than the Firedog or Geek Squad technicians.


SmilodonBravo said...

Actually, the computer setup for $40 does much more than that. The biggest service they perform for this task? They alter startup programs and services that greatly enhance the performance of the unit. These are services that I'm guessing (by reading your blog) you'd stare at blankly for 10 minutes trying to figure out what they did. Tablet PC input service? You don't need that running on a desktop. Altogether, it alters dozens of these services, changing many of the Automatic start-up ones to Manual start-up (and the right ones - YOU would probably break your computer if you messed with them). If you knew as much about computers as you lead on, you would have noticed the change in performance. When two computers are set next to each other, one Firedog optimized and one unaltered, the optimized unit finishes loading Windows more than TWICE as fast as the unoptimized one. This service also frees up (on average) 30-40% more RAM. So don't get all huffy just because you were offered a $40 service that you thought that you could do yourself.
I don't expect you to allow this to be posted; I expect you to get all frustrated in your little chair at your computer and deny this comment so that others don't see how retarded you really are. THIS Firedog DOES think that you're stupid.

PrincessPi said...

Welcome to my blog, jackass. Thank you for your fabulous insight on the godliness of the firedog techs. Sadly, I've never had the opportunity to interact with them...I build my own computers.

So then, you ask, where did I get my faulty information about the $40 ripoff from firedog? Here:

But then, what kind of response would I expect from a firedog whose ISP is Comcast, voted runner up in THE WORST COMPANY IN AMERICA contest?