Sunday, July 13, 2008

I believe in planning ahead

I've been watching my mother go through menopause for the past few years, and considering the gawd-awful symptoms she's been experiencing, I've decided to put together my menopause shopping list ahead of time.

Actually, this would be good for me to have now. Very soon, ConEd is going to be raising NYC's energy rates by 22%, and I already pay $80 a month to run the air conditioning for seven hours a night in the bedroom. If I could just air condition the bed, I won't have to run the window unit. See, I can be green.

Also good for hotflashes. My mom gets hot flashes. Nasty ones that make her sweat. It makes her cranky. Very, very cranky.


Her crankiness often comes out as screaming hormone fits. So, when I have my little temper tantrums, BF can just slap this vase onto my face so he doesn't have to worry about it. Or, when he does something remarkably boneheaded, I can scream my insults and frustrations into it, and he'll be none the wiser.

Actually, I should probably get one of these now, too.

Shouting Vase - "holds your anger"

Furthermore, with menopause, I predict that I'll be freaking out because this is definitive proof of my being old. Thusly in crisis, I will attempt to act as young as possible, playing with toys from my childhood.

This throwback to the 1980's is not only nostalgic, it comes in relaxing scents. So if playing with one of my childhood toys doesn't relax me, I can just hurl it at BF's head before picking up my shouting vase and unloading a buttload of vitriol into it.

">Adult Slime"