Monday, July 28, 2008


Here's a story for you.

I like raisins. I think that they are a delicious and healthy treat, eaten either in a bowl of bran flakes, covered in dark chocolate, or simply directly out of the canister. Imagine, then, my dismay at the gift-with-purchase I came across one summer afternoon.

I was hungry, and decided to have some raisins. I took the canister out of the pantry, opened the vacu-seal top, scooped out a handful, and munched happily. Boy, I love raisins, I thought to myself, reaching in to take a second handful. I look in, so I can pick out the really juicy ones. Wait, I think. White raisins? Raisins aren't white. Nor do they move. Why are they moving? What is that? What is THAT? HOLY SHIT! Those can't be...maggots?!!? *gag...gag...gag...gag*

Needless to say that I couldn't eat raisins again for many years after that.

So, today, I was browsing through Consumerist, and boy-oh-boy, did I have a flashback to the raisin episode.

Says the article:
"My wife let out a full-throated scream that I've only really heard in my nightmares when she is being carried off by a giant squid or something and both of my legs have been cut off and I can't help her...she bent over, her trembling hands on her knees and spit out what was in her mouth onto the wife's box of Goobers was ALIVE and crawling with maggots...I peered inside the box and saw lumpen, misshapen Goobers with maggots or some kind of larvae crawling everywhere. "

I still have nightmares about raisins. Dancing, singing, california raisins, who open their mouths to sing "I heard it through the grape vine", only to havewaves upon waves of wriggling latrine fly larvae pour forth.

Thank gawd I don't eat goobers.