Never Piss off the Secretary

There are certain rules I live by, and by which I think other people should live. Mainly (and I’m probably biased here), I think of all the people in the world you shouldn’t piss off, it’s secretaries. Because, honestly, you really think you’re going to get what you need by irritating the hell out of me?

When calling the doctor’s office to make an appointment, if I say, “My first available appointment is Tuesday, March 25”, don’t ask me if I might have something on Friday the week before. There’s a reason I said, “My first available appointment is…”. And please, please, don’t whine at me, “Oh, you don’t have anything sooner?”

Furthermore, if you ask a question, such as, “should my husband get any testing before he comes to see the doctor?” and I respond, “no, the doctor likes to request testing once he’s examined the patient,” don’t say, “maybe I’ll email the doctor and ask him anyway.” DUDE! I’ve been working here long enough to know what my boss prefers and what he doesn’t! Stop second guessing me. If you’re not going to trust my answer, why ask me in the first place? Maybe you don’t believe me because I’m just a secretary, so how smart could I possibly be? It doesn’t occur to you that maybe I actually did graduate with a BA in mathematics, and might have more than two blonde brain cells.

So, seriously, shut the shit up stop arguing with me. This will go so much easier for you. And honestly, I’m more inclined to help you if you’re nice.