Tourist Fights Back

I was slacking off at work, reading OverheardinNewYork. I came across this little gem. Honestly, I haven't lived down here that long. I've been here for six years, which, although 22% of my life, isn't all that long in the grand scheme of things. I was at one point a tourist, and can relate to these little darlings who wander helplessly around the city, naively asking locals for directions. This tourist fought back.

Is That a New Gay Bar in Chelsea?
Tourist: Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to MoMA from here?

Suit: Fuck you, what do I look...

Tourist, indignantly interrupting: No, fuck you, you motherfucking piece of shit. You don't want to answer, you say "I don't know". All you New Yorkers are a bunch of cock-sucking assholes.

[Suit, stunned, gives directions.]

Bystander to tourist: Where did you learn to do that?

Tourist: The Midwest.

--Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Ehem.

Awesome

Chunky Goodness

I found this on overheardinnewyork.com.

Don't Hate the Yoplait, Hate the Yoplaya
College chick #1: He told me afterwards that he hadn't masturbated all week but seriously, he came so much that it was oozing out of the base of the condom.
College chick #2: That's so gross.
College chick #1: Yeah but that's not the worst part, it had the consistency of yogurt.
College chick #2, awed: Man, yogurts...
College chick #1: Yeah it was kinda inspiring. Only also kinda horrible.
College chick #2: Wait, if the cum was coming out of the condom, doesn't that mean you might get pregnant?
College chick #1: Yeah I guess, but I feel like that sperm kinda earned it, you know? I dunno if I could complain with sperm that um, fortitudinous.
College chick #2: Good word.

--1 Train

Overheard by: Vicksburg

This is, unfortunately, a conversation I have with patients at least once per month.