Literature Review

Last week, I went to the Lincoln Triangle Barnes and Noble to hear one of my favorite authors, Laurie Notaro, speak. She recently came out with this book, The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death, and for her talk, read an exerpt from the book about laser hair removal.

After introductions were made, as she opened her mouth to begin reading, the door to the room bust open and this frosted haired, overly tanned woman hobbled in, screaming, "Wait, don't start yet!" She limped to the front of the room, staked out two chairs for herself, pulled one chair in front of her, took off her shoes and put her feet up. She opened her bag, took out a fresh morphine patch, unwrapped it, and stuck it directly onto her neck. That's right, her neck. All the while, saying, "I'm glad I made it, I had to buy your book. I went into your office, I went to the bathroom, I said, 'Laurie!' but you weren't in there, so I figured you were over here. Ok, now I'm ready."

I'm sitting there, figuring they have to know each other, because how could some stranger interrupt a talk like this unless they know the speaker, right? Oh, how I fool myself.

As Laurie started reading about her interactions with her charming doctor who was performing her laser hair removal, the woman piped up that she had bought a laser hair removal kit from Sharper Image, and it totally hadn't worked. Even with the conductive gel. Oh, and she had five herniated discs in her spine, which was why her feet were up.

Laurie: (reading, funny, telling story, general awesomeness)

Crazy woman: You know, Laurie, I just sent you a really funny email. Did you get it?

Laurie: When did you send it?

Crazy woman: Today.

Baring in mind that Laurie Notaro gets hundreds of emails because she's POPULAR.

Laurie: Uh..no, not yet. I just got here.

Question and answer time, someone asked if Laurie carries around a journal so she can write things down. Before she could answer:

Crazy woman: (holding up a digital recorder, which becomes immediately obvious she's been using to record the entire session, without permission) Laurie! Laurie, you should get one of these!

Laurie: What is it, a morphine pump? Does it inject morphine directly into your stomach?

Crazy woman: No, it records 150 hours. It's a digital recorder.

Laurie: Any other questions?

Crazy woman: (hand shoots up into the air)

B&N staff: Let's let someone else have a turn.

Crazy woman: Fine! (pouts)

At the end of the question and answer session, Laurie prepares to sign our books for us. First, she asks us a question.

Laurie: Is there anyone here from far away? Because I want to sign your books first, and I don't want you to have to wait on line so long that you have to drive home through the dark.

Two people raise their hands. One dude, who says he's flown in from Albaquerque, and, of course, the crazy lady.

Crazy Lady: I came in from Long Island. I know it's not that far away, but you can imagine, with my back, how difficult that trip was for me to make.

So, Crazy Lady is first on line to have her book signed, and stands there talking to Laurie for twenty minutes, about her hair, and taking pictures of each other. She even brought a gift for Laurie. A sample size of moisture lock hairspray. And the whole time, she didn't shut up. Not once.

Anyhoo...the book. Ah yes, the book. Funny. Not as funny as We Thought You'd be Prettier, but funny nonetheless. I appreciate her humor. I don't appreciate how self-deprecating it can get at times, but she is funny, I'll give her that. This is an excellent book to read when you want something light.

I know that's a really brief review about the book, but what can I say? It's not a novel, it's short anecdotes she's written about her life. And they're fabulous. Some more than others, but honestly, all are varying degrees of fabulosity.

So, READ IT.

Brain Freeze - Unfrozen

Ever read a book that you really enjoyed, but you can't for the life of you remember what it was called? That happened to me recently. I remember standing in line at Toys R Us the week before Christmas and the line was a good thirty people long. To occupy myself, I was reading this great book by one of my favorite authors about her life. Thinking about it this past week, I couldn't remember which author it was.

Today it hit me. Laurie Notaro. The author of The Idiot Girl's Action Adventure Club. Granted, I didn't remember out of the blue. I was browsing Barnes and Noble's website for author visits, and saw that she was going to be in town to talk about her new book. It hit me as soon as I saw her name: this is the autor I couldn't remember. Her book, We Thought You Would be Prettier, was hilarious. Here's the blurb from the back cover:

She thought she'd have more time. Laurie Notaro figured she had at least a few good years left. But no-it's happened. She has officially lost her marbles. From the kid at the pet-food store checkout line whose coif is so bizarre it makes her seethe "I'm going to kick his hair's ass!" to the hapless Sears customer-service rep on the receiving end of her Campaign of Terror, no one is safe from Laurie's wrath. Her cranky side seems to have eaten the rest of her-inner-thigh Chub Rub and all. And the results are breathtaking.Her riffs on e-mail spam ("With all of these irresistible offers served up to me on a plate, I WANT A PENIS NOW!!"), eBay ("There should be an eBay wading pool, where you can only bid on Precious Moments figurines and Avon products, that you have to make it through before jumping into the deep end"), and the perils of St. Patrick's Day ("When I'm driving, the last thing I need is a herd of inebriates darting in and out of traffic like loaded chickens") are the stuff of legend.

Believe me, the book itself didn't disappoint.


So, as I was saying, she's going to be in town talking about her new book. I am so there. Here it is: The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death. I can't wait to read it, and meet her.

For anyone who would like to join me, it'll be on July 16, 2008 at 7:30 pm at the Lincoln Center Barnes & Noble (W 66th St & Broadway). Third floor behind math and science. Exciting stuff, ya'll. I'll be the chunky monkey in the front row wearing the "I'm an Idiot Girl" t-shirt.