I'm on to you people, oh yes

In the past twenty minutes, it has become glaringly obvious to me that my patients have all somehow contacted one another and concocted a masterful plan to drive me absolutely up the wall. Hey you, yeah, you with the bad hairpiece. Remember yesterday, when I called you to confirm your appointment, and I asked you if you’d completed the questionnaire I’d forwarded to you? And remember how you said you had. And remember how I said to be sure to bring the completed questionnaire with you to your appointment? And what did you do? Why, you showed up to your appointment without your questionnaire. You tell the front desk that no one ever told you about any questionnaire. And when you’re given a blank one to complete while you are waiting for the doctor, you refuse to fill it out because you’d “rather talk to the doctor first”. And then, THEN, your fellow patient shows up, also without a questionnaire, plus his wife has brought her lap dog. To a doctor’s appointment. In a hospital. Where there are sick people.

Are you people insane? Are you of the mindset that insanity, much like misery, enjoys a great deal of company? Well, I refuse to fall for your ruse, sirs. And when your wife gets kicked out of the hospital for bringing in a dog, don’t go bitching to the doctor about it. Grow up. Have some common sense. And good lord, finish the goddamn questionnaire before I call your parents!

Jean Chambers is a fish.

I easily have the best boss in the world. He’s sweet, brilliant, indulgent and treats me like the princess I am. He is also lovably eccentric. So yesterday, as I was walking out the college doors, I see him riding his bicycle in circles, waiting for the light to change, the light dangling from the top of his helmet blinking merrily.

I suddenly flashbacked to college, walking up the hill on campus. My philosophy professor, Jean Chambers, bless her heart, was riding her bicycle down the hill, ringing her bell like crazy, one foot on the pedal, the other kicking at a very large Rottweiler that was keeping pace with her and barking its massive head off. I would have been worried about Jean Chambers’ safety, except that the dog was a local, owned by the hooka shop guy, and we all knew it to be an elderly dog with no teeth.

Later that week, my friend bought a beta fish. She named it Jean Chambers. Coincidentally, the very next week after that, we were studying logic in class, and the example given to us by the teacher:

Jean Chambers is a fish.
All fish can fly.
Therefore Jean Chambers can fly.

We thought it was hilarious.

Dude, give me a break. I was seventeen. I wasn’t that deep. So sue me.

A great toy for this christmas

A toy that not only entertains, it can also keep you warm in the event of a major global climate shift.

1/2 Bird! 1/2 Mammal! 1/2 Lizard! Er...

The European Bioinformatics Institute have finally succeeded in mapping the genome of the world's weirdest animal: the duck-billed Platypus. Unsurprisingly, it turned into the world's weirdest genome.

The mapping showed that this native animal of Australia and Tasmania is part mammal (it's covered in fur and lactates, although it doesn't have boobies, so the young suckle the milk through the skin of the platypus' abdomen), part bird (see duck bill and webbed feet) and part lizard (it lays eggs and the males have a venomous spine behind its back feet).

When this weirdo animal was first brought back to Europe, people thought it was a taxidermist's hoax: that it was made up of the leftover bits of different animals. Well, it seems the taxidermist didn't have to, because nature did it for them.

I'm still having a hard time wrapping my mind around the whole lactating through the abdomen thing; do the mommas leave a slimy milk trail after them when they crawl across land? How do the young latch on to the abdomen with those funky bills?

Anyhoo...I thought it was interesting. Read the article on Discovery News.

Post-It Art

I'll admit it. I played hookie from work today. I woke up this morning, pissed off because my bedroom was HOT, pissed off because the fan in the window was COLD, pissed off because my allergies was making my asthma go nuts, and couldn't for the life of me think of a good reason to haul my ass out of bed and into the office. So, I decided to spend the day on the computer, plopped in front of the boob tube, and not think about testicles.

There are days when I'm bored to tears at work. I found this lovely art project online, and can't wait to give it a whirl. I've got tons of post-its littering my desk; now they can have a purpose in life. Awww.

Time Lapse Wizardry

Cinco De Mayo Carnival from Andrew Curtis on Vimeo.

A gentleman did this using still photographs, like a giant flip book. Genius, I say. VISIT

So clean you could eat off it?

I know that when I wake up first thing in the morning, I usually have a hard time deciding: breakfast? or pictures of vagina? Well, now I don't have to choose! Thanks to art china company Blighty, there is now a line of china-ware called China Vagina, with artsy representations of vaginas on them. Choose from six different designs, at only $140 per dish!

In an act of ultimately subtlety, this one here is called "The World is Her Oyster".

Thank god someone finally had the foresight to vag up my dinner ware. I was getting tired of having Jenna Jameson movies playing in the background of all my dinner parties.