Thursday, May 22, 2008

Every man's worst nightmare

I remember when I was a kid, I was reading some sort of horror novel. A traveler's car breaks down, so he and his traveling companion go to a local farm to use the phone. The door opens and the traveler introduces himself as a doctor. The farmer lets them in, invites them to stay the night since the tow truck can't get out until the morning. The only rule is they're not allowed to touch the farmer's daughter. Of course, there's instant chemistry between the daughter and the traveler, but he's a man of honor, and will keep his hands to himself. Naturally the traveling companion sneaks into the daughter's room in the middle of the night. The traveler is awakened by his companion's screams of pain. Running to see what the problem is, he discovers that his companion has had sex with the daughter, only to find that the daughter has a rare case of Vagina Dentata, otherwise known as vag-teeth. His companion has had his ding dong bitten off. Of course the daughter is beside herself, because she doesn't want to cause anyone pain. The farmer has gone ballistic because someone has sullied his daughter, and chases his guests out. The daughter follows, because it was love at first site with the traveler, plus, she knows she'll incur her father's wrath for not keeping her legs shut. "Oh," she wails, "if only we could lay together as a man and a woman could." He stops and turns to her, "Honey," he says, "I never told you what kind of doctor I was. I'm an oral surgeon."

And so they live happily ever after.

Anyhoo, the point to my story is that this movie came out called Teeth, which chronicles the coming-of-age of a young girl afflicted with vagina dentata. Here's the preview. I look forward to watching men get their tackle chomped off.